“Viagra is a Feminist Conspiracy Against Men”

The husband was well into his second peg of Old Fashioned when he announced, “Viagra is a conspiracy against men. It has been designed by feminists for the benefit of women.”

There were a group of us around the dining table, and spirits were high. Naturally, his statement drew both daggers and bouquets depending on the gender of the thrower.

“That’s not true! Apparently, the ingredient in Viagra could just as easily be used to reduce period cramps in women, but the needs of men were considered more important,” I protested with a big flourish and a small hiccup. (That’s what happens when you have a low threshold for alcohol.)

“Not just period cramps. Sildenafil, the ingredient in Viagra, is also prescribed for those with pulmonary arterial hypertension, but does anyone ever talk about that? No, it’s only projected as a bedroom accessory for older men,” thundered the husband with whiskey-flavoured certainty. “But who benefits most if a man takes Viagra before doing the deed?”

His question sent his audience into peals of laughter, laced with some confusion.

“The man?”

“Pharmaceutical companies?”

“The pervy voyeur next door?”

Our responses did not meet my husband’s standards.

“Okay, answer this. How long does a man need to climax?” he shot up an eyebrow.

The women in the group pooh-poohed: “Nothing at all.”

“A few minutes.”

“Men are a badly designed species.”

“They can just go in and out if you let them.”

“Yes, and how long does a woman need?” the husband persisted.

“Women’s bodies are designed for pleasure.”

“The clitoris has 8000 nerve endings compared with the penis’ 4000.”

“Women have no recovery times like men; we can go on and on.”

“Exactly,” the husband banged the table in victory. “So why on earth would a man want to go on and on, unless it was for the woman’s benefit?”

There was complete silence for a second as the rest of us looked at each other. Then came the next round of laughter, this time with tears added for dramatic effect.

“So you see, the people who designed Viagra only had the woman’s pleasure in mind, not the man’s. The man, in fact, first needs to develop his lung capacity and muscles if he intends to take it.” Husband looked gloomily into his glass while we rolled about in splits.

“Look at it this way: it gives you a good workout,” someone offered.

“I’ll let you know when I need it,” he dismissed.

Images: Pixabay. First published in eShe’s May 2019 issue