“Wearing hijab empowered me – though I had to defy my dad to do it!” – Shazia Imam

By Shazia Imam

My dad was so angry with me.

It was the year following September 11, 2001. I was 22, freshly graduated with honours and an engineering degree in the worst economy in over a decade. I had just dropped the news to my dad: “I’m putting on hijab.”

He was so upset.

“I didn’t raise you like this!” he scolded. “You have your whole life ahead of you. You’re brilliant and now you’re becoming an extremist and no one will hire you. I don’t like this decision at all.”

Isn’t it ironic?

People have asked me over the years about my hijab and are always surprised by this story since it doesn’t fit the narrative of the ‘oppressive’ Muslim father.

I was born in Washington DC, where my dad worked for the US federal government and had a typical desk job. He proudly called himself secular and didn’t like what he had seen in India and Pakistan with the so-called religious scholars who were hypocritical. 

He believed he was a man for the people and worked hard to raise money and awareness for the impoverished. The cause closest to his heart was that of the Biharis stranded in Bangladesh, living in slums, after the 1971 independence war with Pakistan. 

He also raised awareness for the people in Palestine, Burma, and even marginalised populations within the US. His outlook on life was to do your best to help others. 

He wanted me to be as successful as possible as a doctor or CEO. My becoming an engineer was a disappointment for him! He pushed me because he knew how intelligent I was and wanted me to have every opportunity. He was a firm believer in women’s rights and, from as long as I can remember, he told me I was no different than a boy. 

My mom worked for a period but stopped working once my little brother was born. Her outlook on life was to live your life how you want. She didn’t wear hijab. In fact, except for two of my eldest aunts at the time, none of the women in our family did.

For me, however, it was part of my deepening spiritual journey. I wanted to do it for the sake of my faith and for the Divine rather than making someone else happy. Hijab to me meant that I was doing something bigger than myself. It was a purely spiritual decision. Even my mom was surprised but supported me. For me, it was the opportunity to be me to my fullest while still observing what I believed to be best for my spiritual path.

So, at the age of 22, I pushed back on my dad and said with conviction: “I am doing this and whatever is best for me will come to me.”

He shook his head in disappointment and we left it at that.

Two weeks later, I landed three interviews – one of which was a notable intelligence agency! And I went for them all with my hijab on. And this was with super proper hijab – triangle-fold with the wrap around my hair and the other wing over my chest, hanging just so.

So, I looked real Muslim – in 2002.

And guess what?

I got all three job offers!

My dad was flabbergasted and so proud of me. He thereby went on to share with everyone how successful his daughter was and that she wore hijab too. It became a source of pride for him over the years.

Writing this brings tears to my eyes, not just because I miss my dad dearly. But because it reminds me that my conviction, the belief that following my heart’s desire and standing strong in my personal leadership, was most important.

Wearing hijab was not a rule in my family. I chose to follow my own path. I felt passionate about something and went for it, even though I faced the greatest resistance!

Sometimes, we think following our heart may lead us astray or become the very thing that changes us. But the truth is that following your heart will always guide you to Divine wisdom.

More than 20 years later, I still wear hijab and still express live myself to the fullest. While I don’t observe it in the strictest way anymore in terms of how I cover (for example, I show my neck or wear more fitted clothing), I flow with it. 

Hijab still continues to feel empowering to me. As someone who knows ‘life before hijab’ and ‘life after hijab’ since I started wearing it at 22, I have experienced the respect it garners from others, especially men. Prior to hijab, I encountered leery men who would stare at parts of me that were not my eyes. As a woman, we’ve all experienced this in one way or another. After hijab, I noticed all men would always look at my eyes and pay attention to what I was saying. 

As long as a woman chooses to wear it, I believe the way we dress, including hijab, is the most important way for a woman to say, “Here I am”. In a society and world that objectify women, I love that we can take back how we show up. No matter what that looks like for each individual person.

For the people who ask me if hijab is oppressive, I laugh and say, just come meet my friends who are the strongest, intelligent, and most powerful women you’ll ever meet! There’s no oppression over here!

Shazia Imam is an award-winning speaker, ICF certified coach and host of the podcast ‘Feminine & Fulfilled’. After experiencing her own life fall apart after losing her son and then marriage, Shazia realised it was a Divine push to begin living her REAL life. This blossomed into finding her soulmate, discovering her feminine power, and living her deep purpose – one which involves women unleashing their WHOLE selves to feel fulfilled and happy.

Follow her on Instagram and Facebook.