On seeking a guru and having a chat with God instead

I was battling a block so I decided to seek out a guru. Something to bring in freshness and add a zing to my inner life. On cue, I got a WhatsApp message about a two-day spiritual retreat with a new guru who appears to have led quite a few folks to enlightenment, at least on YouTube.

I paid dearly for a single-occupancy room because I figured I’d want some privacy after all that physical, emotional and spiritual work. But soon after the programme began, I began to regret the expense.

The facilitator asked the audience, “How many of you do any sadhana (spiritual practice)? Do you meditate?” My hand went up.

“How many of you chant? Maybe ‘nam-myoho-renge-kyo’?” My hand went up, along with my eyebrow at the condescending note in her voice.

“How many volunteer?” My hand went up again.

“How many donate?” I may as well keep the hand up, I thought.

“It’s no use!” the facilitator thundered. “Sadhana isn’t enough. You still need something else to break through your mental patterns. You need someone else to do some kriya (rite) on you.”

I squirmed. That didn’t feel right.

Next, the volunteers did a three-hour long Vedic-style havan (fire ritual) – with a six-word mantra hailing their guru repeated a hundred times – while participants sat around bored, bemused, asleep or aching. I stared at the flames in consternation. Why wasn’t this feeling right?  

Finally, at night, they put the 100-odd participants in a state of semi-sleep lying on the floor while the facilitator invited them to remember all the abuse, trauma and grief they had been through in their lives. She exhorted them to have faith in the guru and allow him into their hearts and minds, and let him heal them with his divine grace.

My mind refused to do what she said. I lay with my eyes open, staring at the ceiling.

I checked in with the voice in my head, whom I sometimes call God.

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Hey, didn’t the Lotus Sutra say “all living being possess the Buddha nature”, which means the inherent potential to attain Buddhahood?

The voice replied, “I suppose it did.”

And didn’t Buddha also say that everything we need to achieve enlightenment already exists within this five-foot body – and that we don’t need anyone else do any kinds of rites for us?

“I suppose he did.”

And, in the Gita, didn’t You say that instead of rites and rituals, it’s better to devote one’s life to You?

“By the way, didn’t you put something into the fire today?” 

Yes, I wrote down what was holding me back from moving ahead in my life, and put the piece of paper into the havan along with the red chilli and rock salt, the way they told me to.

“And how did you feel about it?”

I felt good. I felt light and free.

“So, what does that say about you?”

That I’m a common mortal who needs rituals as symbolic acts to help me break out of repetitive mental patterns and exert my sense of free will.

“There you go.”

Hmm. But I didn’t like her saying bad stuff about my sadhana. I’m working hard to attain enlightenment – moksha, freedom from desires.

“Desire for desirelessness is a desire too.”

Hmm, so what’s the point of all my sadhana then? Isn’t it supposed to lead me to You?

“With whose Grace did you do the sadhana?”

Hmm. Yours. Okay. Well, if humans already have all we need for enlightenment within us, why do we seek gurus?

“What do you think?”

Because there are so many paths and we need a guide to help us choose the right one. But, wait a minute, I have already found my path, my purpose and You within me, yet I too went seeking yet another guru.

“So, what does that say about you?”

That I am a common mortal who prefers being led and having someone else take responsibility for my life, instead of doing the excruciating self-work of changing myself and getting out of my comfort zone.

“You’re sounding almost enlightened today.”

It’s taken a lot of sadhana!

“Pride about your spiritual practice is the worst of all prides.”

Yes, you love reminding me of that.

“Someone has to.”

Hmm. But isn’t it dangerous – hypnotising people into triggering heightened emotional states and then planting the suggestion to have blind faith in a single human being, instead of having faith in God?

“What’s God?”

Hmm. Tat tvam asi. I am reminded of a parable in which Buddha said, ‘Every man is capable of enlightenment… but I do not think that every man wants to be enlightened.’

“Buddha rocks.”

Thank you for helping me find the Buddha in this life. I am truly blessed. Thank you for the abundance, love and freedom in my life. Thank you, thank you.

“Don’t you owe someone else thanks?”

I suppose I do owe the YouTube guru thanks for reminding me of all my blessings. For helping me unblock myself. For enabling the encounter with that wonderful no-nonsense Gurgaon homemaker who vehemently urged me to activate moolabandh along with my anulom-vilom. And for the whole eye-opening experience. All roads lead to God. Eventually.

“There you go. That’s what gurus are for.”

It costs a lot, though.

“Who paid?”

Hmm.