Lifelong Resolutions for Love and Sex Every Smart Woman Must Make

Our catty columnist Unsanskari Stree has given up on New Year Resolutions. Instead, she suggests a list of lifelong resolutions for single women. Trigger warning: love, sex and real-life truths ahead!

By Unsanskari Stree

I’ve given up on New Year Resolutions. The only thing they do is remind me of my fading memory, especially short-term memory, as most of my resolutions do not last longer than the fifth of January. So, instead, I suggest a long list of resolutions for life. Not that I am smarter than the average Jane, but here are some that I have decided to live by.

Make no time for losers or jerks: I have a three-strike policy with men who irritate me. Three strikes of irritation and you are out. Consider this: You don’t have time to waste on the ones with addictions and substance-abuse issues; if he hasn’t committed in two years, he won’t! If you aren’t his priority, then begging him for time is not going to make it happen. Move on!

Good girls died with Y2K: Your body is not a negotiation contract. Virginity and false modesty will get you no brownie points, nope, not even in heaven! Enjoy life, and live it to the fullest. If he judges you for sleeping with him, then he isn’t worth it anyway, so go ahead and impress the only person who matters: yourself.

Negotiate your relationships like you would a job or an investment: The smartest of women (me included) use a whole different set of rules for their personal lives, as opposed to work lives. But it’s time for us to negotiate our space, our rules, and expect the perks and the promotions as well. Ask for what you want, because he is never going to figure it out on his own.

Mrs. Sharma and her daughter will always have a better life on Facebook: That’s probably because they may have a better phone camera, or better hashtags. But their reality is probably as depressing or regular as your own. So stop scrolling down their newsfeed, and look through the elaborate charade. If their life was that fun, then they wouldn’t have time to post it on Facebook. And this I speak from experience!

It’s never perfect, and if it is, you should worry: Remember the phrase, “Too good to be true.” Well, if it is crossing your mind for any reason, then that means it probably is. The best relationships aren’t perfect; they aren’t exhilarating or full of adrenaline rushes. Mostly, they are like that comfortable pair of jeans at the back of your cupboard, which make your butt look great, but you keep forgetting about them in the routine of life. So non-perfect is just fine, and be happy for it.

He isn’t as smart as you think: I keep falling into this trap all the time. We have all been brought up to think men are smarter and stronger and more in control than women. But we’re now realizing that men are probably more confused and out of control than we are. So stop having too many expectations, pull up your socks, and get your life together, yourself.

This may just be the best it will ever be: Tomorrow isn’t coming, you won’t lose those last two kilos, the promotion will not make you happier, and Prince Charming lives only in Disneyland. What’s happening right now is your life, and this moment is all you will ever own. So go ahead and live it, don’t hold anything back. Here’s to a rocking 2018.

Unsanskari Stree is in her early forties, will only mingle with the right sorts, and regards her dating life with some amusement.

First published in the January 2018 issue of eShe magazine. Read it for free here, or buy the print edition.

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