Sacrificing mom discovers secret joys and unexpected benefits during kid’s exam time

By Arti Jain

There was a time when I scoffed at any mom who said she couldn’t meet socially because her child has an exam. “So, your child needs to study, not you?!” I’d quip.

Well, you live, you learn. I now know that your kid’s exam is the saintliest excuse you can make to get out of social obligations. It’s acceptable. Even respectable.

You may have deprived an adult of your charming company but you have also created an indelible image of yourself as a devoted mother. An image that will last longer in their memory than the three jokes and two bits of gossip you would have shared had you actually met them for coffee.

The sacrificing mother as we all know, ladies and gentlemen, is an image up there with Jesus on the cross. While everyone nods understandingly, in their mind’s eye you are Kali incarnate helping your child slay the demons of differential equations and the ogres of organic chemistry.

Providing a legit escape from irksome socializing is only one of many uses of having children. There are other benefits. Adolescents always somehow have a stash of unhealthy snacks that you can steal from. This may be stuff that you or their grandparents or their friend’s grandparents bought, but if it’s crossed into your threshold, consider it fair taxation.

You can filch a square or two from their chocolates in the fridge, at least until they catch on and start counting the squares before going to school. That could just be uniquely my daughter’s overcautious self but let’s just say she learned subtraction fairly quickly.

Speaking of math, kids are expensive. They need food, shelter and clothing. The first two you can’t do much about. They’ve got to eat and they live under your roof. But clothing is an area you can explore for better ROI.

You see, there comes an age when your kid and you are the exact same size. It may be a short-lived phase or a long one but it will happen. It will also most likely coincide with the time when they learn an essential life skill called ‘Guilt Tripping’. Every few months (even weeks), you will find yourself spending a pretty penny on clothes their friends approve of.

And to make their three and a half friends happy, you would have spent enough money that could have bought you a yacht – if only you had invested that money instead of buying them clothes that are smaller and more threadbare than that dishrag you really should toss in the bin.

The shopping trip will also likely coincide with a time in your life when, truth be told, what you call your style is really you wearing the same colours and cuts over and over again, and pretending they are classic. So, go to their room and carpe diem the hell out of their wardrobe.

Coming back to exams, while there have certainly been an occasion or three where I have used the old excuse of the kid’s exam to get out of obligations, I can see, if I squint long enough, the value of staying at home when the offspring is going to prep for tests. Their eyes get tired from all the studying and the very presence of a parent reminds them to roll their eyes.

Since they are working “sooooo hard”, they demand “something gooood” to eat. They also can’t legally watch TV because hello! #ExamTime. So technically you can reign over the remote and have something “goooood” to eat. Why would you want to go out?

So, I suggest that the next time someone tells you that they can’t meet you because their kid has an exam, just ask them what’s for dinner and show up at their place instead.