How I learnt to use compassion as a powerful tool in leadership

By Aruna Joshi

Power has long been measured in sharp edges – in how loud, fast, or dominant one can be. We’ve been taught that to lead is to command, to be firm, to keep emotions at bay. Strength, we were told, lies in control.

But what if true power was never about control, but connection? What if the future of leadership – and perhaps of humanity itself – depends on our ability to be kind?

For generations, women have been told that compassion makes them weak. That empathy is a liability in boardrooms or while making hard choices. That to succeed, we must harden. I once believed that too.

When I began my professional journey as an architect, I tried to emulate the toughness I saw in male leaders around me. I thought that meant speaking loudly, showing less emotion and never revealing vulnerability. I wore confidence like armour.

But over time, I noticed something quietly powerful: the moments that truly moved people, the teams that truly bonded and the projects that truly succeeded were the ones rooted in empathy.

I remember one particular day vividly. A worker on one of my construction sites got badly hurt, and the project was just days away from handover. Every minute mattered. Instinctively, I dropped everything, put him in my car, and rushed him to the hospital. Sitting outside the emergency room, I realized something that no deadline or design could ever teach me:

Leadership isn’t about control; it’s about care.

That day, my team saw not just a boss, but a human being who valued people over profit. And strangely, that moment of compassion built more trust than any milestone ever had.

Every year, during the Ganapati festival, I invite all my site workers for dinner. On that day, they are my most important guests, treated with warmth, respect, and love. One evening, an elderly worker had tears in his eyes as he said softly, “Nobody has ever fed me with so much love.”

His words stayed with me. It made me realize how rarely people in certain professions – those who build our homes, shape our cities – are truly seen. The result of that connection is something I never needed to enforce: they work with sincerity, they take pride in the project and they stand by me when I need them.

Compassion didn’t make me less effective; it made me more human. It built bridges where competition had burned them. It helped me see beyond mistakes to the intent behind them. And in that space of safety and respect, creativity flourished.

We often underestimate what compassion can do.

Compassion is not soft in the way the world imagines. It is fierce, resilient and transformative. It takes courage to stay kind when the world grows harsh. It takes wisdom to understand when it’s easier to judge. It takes inner strength to forgive when ego demands revenge.

True compassion is not about being agreeable. It’s about seeing clearly – the pain behind someone’s anger, the fear behind resistance, the humanity behind mistakes – and responding from understanding instead of reaction.

Look around and you’ll see a quiet revolution already unfolding: women leading with empathy, reshaping organizations, communities and even nations.

One of the most striking examples is Jacinda Ardern, the former Prime Minister of New Zealand. When tragedy struck her country in 2019 with the Christchurch mosque shootings, her response was not with slogans or defiance, but with empathy. Draped in a simple black scarf, she embraced grieving families, listened to their pain, and said, “They are us.” Those three words did more to unite a nation than any policy could.

Under her leadership, compassion wasn’t just a personal trait, it became political strength. She proved that firmness and empathy can coexist. That decisive action can come from a place of care. It demonstrated that a leader can lead with both head and heart, and still be deeply respected.

Ardern’s example is not just political; it’s personal for every woman who’s ever been told to tone down her sensitivity. Compassion, as she showed, doesn’t mean lack of resolve. It means holding space for humanity while doing what’s right.

In workplaces too, the tide is turning.

More and more leaders – especially women – are realizing that empathy drives engagement, retention and innovation far more sustainably than fear or authority ever could. The modern world, with its fatigue and fragmentation, doesn’t need more dominance; it needs depth.

Compassion shifts leadership from hierarchy to harmony, relationships from performance to presence, and ambition from self-serving to purpose-driven. It allows us to create cultures in homes, teams and societies where people feel seen, valued and safe to express who they are.

Maybe the future doesn’t belong to those who shout the loudest, but to those who listen the deepest. It’s time we stop asking women to harden up, and start valuing the power that flows from softness, sincerity and heart.

In a world that’s losing touch with tenderness, being compassionate is almost rebellious. It takes courage to stay gentle in a time that rewards hardness. It takes strength to be kind when cynicism or indifference feels safer. But that, perhaps, is the new kind of strength we need – one that holds both power and grace.

Moving forward as women, leaders, creators and citizens, let’s not underestimate the quiet force of compassion. It doesn’t shout. It doesn’t dominate. Yet it transforms everything it touches.

The future will not be built only by those who win, but by those who care.

Aruna Joshi is a Mumbai-based author and former architect who spent 18 years designing spaces before turning to crafting words. Through her work, she blends practical wisdom with heartfelt insight to help people live with more balance, meaning and joy. She has written four books, including Wake Up, The Happiness Manual, The Subtle Art of Dealing with People, and Morning Mastery. Follow her on Substack at Zen Whispers.