When disability leads to divorce: an Indian couple’s not-so-happy ending

The following is an excerpt from When Love Is Lost: Cases from the Family Courts of a Changing India (Vishwakarma Publications, 2025) by journalist Kalyani Sardesai. Through candid, first-person narratives combined with legal insight, the book sheds light on the emotional and psychological toll of separation and divorce as experienced by men, women and lawyers in the eye of the storm. 

By Kalyani Sardesai

As a Family Court lawyer, I am at pains to keep my personal feelings out of the equation. I don’t get emotionally involved with my clients – just as a professional mustn’t. But there are some cases that can melt the stoniest heart.

Sonia’s is one of them. And I can safely say that all of us – whether it was the judge or the court staff – were moved.

As it happened, it was a usual day at court. I was to act as court commissioner – a person appointed by the court – to cross-examine and verify the statement of a witness who could not make it to court.

With good reason at that. I surveyed the morose-looking folks sitting in front of me – Rakesh, the tech entrepreneur husband who wanted a divorce, his lawyer and his wife’s father – along with a signed statement from her consenting to divorce.

“Sonia (his soon-to-be ex-wife) can’t come,” said Rakesh tersely. “She is quadriplegic from the neck down and must carry an oxygen cylinder all over – because as you know, the lungs are also compromised in her condition.”

“Which is why this divorce fills me with wonder,” snapped the judge.

“She consented to it,” said Rakesh.

“Did she indeed? Let the court commissioner find out the full story,” said judge saab – looking at me.

“Her father is here to make a statement on her behalf,” replied Rajesh.

“Sorry, I don’t grant divorces like that,” retorted the judge.

I nodded. Just like the judge – I was mystified and disgusted at Rakesh – especially given the detail that it was his driving that caused the accident that put his wife in a vegetative state. The car with Rakesh, Sonia, and their two toddlers toppled over. No one was hurt except Sonia.

The accident and subsequent hospitalisation happened in the US – but they were now back in their hometown, Chennai, as treatment was far cheaper, not to mention the fact that Sonia would be surrounded by friends and family.

But here was Rakesh asking for a divorce – knowing fully well his wife was unwell – and wouldn’t live for long as the trauma of the accident was long-lasting and would eventually take her life.

What stuff was this man made of anyway? Poor, poor Sonia. Evidently, the judge thought the same.As he got up from his seat, his human side took over.

He took Rajesh aside. “Don’t leave your wife,” he advised Rakesh softly. “Live your life by all means (this implied that he could have other relationships given the circumstances and Sonia’s health) but don’t abandon Sonia.”

But Rajesh was adamant about divorcing her.

And thus, as directed by the judge, I called up Sonia to fix an appointment with her to verify her condition for myself.

In soft but decisive tones, she requested me to come by 11 am the following day as she would be done with her bath and ablutions by then.

The next day, as I rang the bell of her sixth-floor home, I braced myself for a face-to-face with a tragic figure.

Sonia was wheeled into the drawing room – and looked nothing like the sad picture I had envisaged. She had a lovely, glowing face; hair neatly done. She had on a cheerful outfit – and what’s more, her nails were perfectly manicured. So striking a figure did she cut was that I almost missed the oxygen cylinder attached to her chair.

And when she spoke, it was evident that from the chin downwards she had no movement. Slow as it was, her voice was sure and measured. “Don’t look so sorry for me,” she said with a smile. “Just see – what a marvellous wheelchair I have! Why, it’s much better than Christopher Reeve’s.”

(The late Hollywood actor was paralysed following an accident – a tragic, heartbreaking tale that played out for the world to see. It also happened to be cruel and ironic, given that Reeve had played the iconic role of Superman.)

I smiled. Sonia’s positivity and energy were infectious. But I had a job to do. “Have you consented to the divorce? If so, why?” I asked.

Her reply was to the point. “I am freeing myself,” she said.

“Each time I see Rakesh’s eyes, I see him looking like a trapped animal. My dignity, my self-respect can’t bear it,” she said.

Which, truth be told, was the only way he could get such an easy divorce. The court takes a deeper and closer look when one of the partners is disabled. If Sonia had contested the divorce, it would have boomeranged on him.

I looked at Sonia with awe. What strength, positivity, and self-respect in such ghastly circumstances! They had tried to save their marriage, initially, she said, and had taken counselling in the US. But Rakesh’s all-pervasive guilt made it impossible for him to live with her. The conversations were stilted; he couldn’t be in the same room as her for long.

He had given her a house and was paying for her care and treatment. But now, he had to return to the US with the two kids in tow. “Look at them! Aren’t they adorable?” she pointed them out with maternal pride. I said hello to the bouncy, energetic kids who had come into the room. She answered their queries and then the nanny took them out.

“The only thing I regret and can’t forgive? That I can’t touch, hold, or swing them in my arms anymore,” she said, eyes glistening with unshed tears. “I will miss them. But it’s for the best. It’s better that they are cared for by their dad and professional nannies instead of a bedridden mom. In any case, that’s not how I want them to remember me,” she said.

The divorce was granted. Expectedly, Sonia did not live long after. In fact, she died three years later. In all my years, I have yet to meet a stronger woman. But Rakesh, well, he must live with his actions.

Divorcing a disabled spouse

The grounds for divorce in India typically include factors like cruelty, adultery, desertion, conversion to another religion, mental illness, etc. Divorcing a disabled spouse involves a unique set of challenges. The court verifies whether this amounts to desertion especially when the spouse is unable to fund medical and other care.

With the right legal guidance, the parties involved can bring about a fair and equitable resolution that respects the rights and needs of all involved parties.

Editor’s note

A 2009 study that examined the role of gender in “partner abandonment” found that a woman is six times more likely to be separated or divorced soon after a diagnosis of cancer or multiple sclerosis than if a man in the relationship is the patient.

A 2016 study further confirmed that married women diagnosed with a serious health condition may find themselves at increased risk of divorce and have the double whammy of having to manage their disease along with the financial impact and other stressors associated with divorce.