“I read it on Reddit!” Indian women are turning to online communities for guidance

By Smriti Sinha

Shivani, all of 19, had to fill out the first-semester examination form at the University of Delhi (DU). Her Gen X parents – that’s my husband and I – worried about how she would be able to do so, since it’s all online now, and all the subjects she appears for come with their specific codes. We barely remembered how it was in our time.

But Shivani was ‘chill’. She had read about the process on Reddit, she announced. Reddit is an online forum where anonymous users connect to share and discuss in specific communities.

Wait, what? When did we start giving more weight to something posted online than what our parents had to say? Shivani isn’t alone; more and more Indian women have lately been turning to Reddit for guidance.

According to the Global Web Index, in the third quarter of 2024, there was a 20 percent year-over-year increase in women visiting Reddit in India.

But why go to Reddit? We have been using Google for all our queries for a while now. To this, Shivani said that Reddit responses have a personal touch compared to AI-generated responses. You know it’s an actual person speaking from experience, not AI parsing all the information out there.

And yet, she pointed out, there’s no fear of judgement since everyone’s anonymous. With specific subreddits, you are part of a group with a common interest or goal, so there’s a sense of belonging. Each subreddit has its own set of rules, so there’s also the promise of a safe space.

As an Indian woman, I am a little wary of asking strangers, and I blame my middle-class upbringing for that. We have been told not to speak to strangers. We have grown up being judged, told what to do, how to live our lives, how to speak, and even what to say and when. Is Reddit now filling in all these gaps for the younger generation?

Seeker or Lurker?

I started asking around, and realised that many of my gal pals and even workplace acquaintances have been on Reddit for years now. Delhi-based digital journalist Theres Sudeep says that she is on Reddit for interesting stories. Subreddits like Am I the A**hole, Wedding Shaming, and so on, have anecdotes that are fun to read, says this 20-year-old. “A lot of times, it’s like a trainwreck you can’t look away from.”

As a Redditor, Theres knows exactly where to go for specific information. “The subreddits for each Indian city are great for looking for stories and also for keeping up with what’s going on there.” An amateur baker herself, Theres finds advice or suggestions on subreddits related to food. “I rarely make posts, though. I’m mostly lurking,” she confesses.

Meanwhile, Nimisha Dwivedi, a 30-something journalist, logs into Reddit for reviews and opinions. An avid reader, Nimisha frequents r/Indianbooks, r/journalism, and r/interviews.

“Sometimes, I have found the kindest advice on Reddit,” she said. She showed me a community she frequents, a subreddit on career questions, where a user had shared how they were laid off after five years. They wanted to know how to go about their lives.

None of the suggestions that poured in were about job search. They instead asked the job-seeker to go easy on herself. “I think it is better to get yourself into a good headspace before you make any big moves,” said one.

Women Only

My search continued. What about women-specific issues or spaces dedicated to women alone?

Reddit has some popular subreddits specifically for ‘desi’ women, such as r/AskIndianWomen and r/TwoXIndia. Ask Indian Women was created in 2013 and has a membership of 162k. Two X India came up in 2016 and has 342K members.

eShe reached out to these two to get a sense of how they function. For security reasons, the moderators refused to divulge any personal information. They both shared that the very idea behind these communities was to provide women with a “third space, safe from judgement and interference of men”.

And to keep it that way, r/AskIndianWomen has some gate-keeping in place, allowing men and non-binary individuals to seek non-romantic relationship advice only on Wednesdays and Fridays. On its part, TwoXIndia allows transmen.

While both the subreddits admitted they’re only providing a safe space to women, the moderators of r/TwoXIndia pointed out, “We aren’t necessarily in the business of empowering women. If it happens for some people, as an outcome of the nature of this space, then we couldn’t be happier.”

Echoing similar sentiments, a moderator of r/AskIndianWomen said, “If we can change or positively influence even one life for good, then I’ll consider it all worth it. For me, that alone would be something to be truly grateful for.”

While it is difficult to draw a user profile of these subreddits, it is pretty evident that the users are mostly young women. The moderator of r/AskIndianWomen said their users were of all ages, but most were in their 20s. Surprisingly, a large chunk of their users come from Tier III cities of India.

Topics could range from an annoying roommate to a young, married woman venting about how entitled the men in her marital home are. An r/AskIndianWomen moderator said relationship advice was so common that they had to restrict it to Wednesdays and Fridays.

“People are discussing almost everything under the sun here. From gift ideas to Supreme Court judgements, from celebrating April Fool’s Day to debating how a particular idea might affect the majority,” they said.

A case in point, r/AskIndianWomen had a user ask if we felt US actor Sidney Sweeney had let us down, as women, by selling bars of soap made from her bathwater. The latest post on r/TwoXIndia at the time of writing this report was a woman venting about how she went to attend a wedding only to learn that the bride had been stood up as the groom and his family didn’t like the venue.

Queries also change based on the user’s age. For instance, “Young women are mostly confused about periods, hormonal changes, and are often disturbed by the misogyny they face at home or the hatred they encounter online,” shared the r/AskIndianWomen moderator.

They added, “Women in their 20s and 30s are usually trying to break cycles of abuse, whether in their families, relationships, or society at large. Their posts are often a mix of seeking support, sharing experiences, and unlearning what they’ve been conditioned to accept.”

About half of the subscribers and participants on r/AskIndianWomen are men who “mostly come in seeking relationship advice”. Some are allies, “some are here to learn, and some are just haters lurking around to take screenshots so they can get their one minute of attention by talking about us,” say the moderators, but that doesn’t deter them at all.

They allow users to choose whether they want comments from ‘only women’ or ‘everyone’. “Men who participate in good faith are genuinely amazing as they bring in different perspectives, ask thoughtful questions, and contribute meaningfully,” they said.

r/TwoXIndia also initially allowed cis-men, but had to “give them the boot when they began using this space as a captive audience of women for their own selfish, patriarchal needs. They also began trying to drown out women’s voices.”

Need and Impact

The journalist in me got thinking. Is it so great to seek advice from rank strangers, or is there a downside to it? So, I approached some experts. “If only routine topics are being discussed, there is nothing wrong with seeking information. One can take opinions from others, there’s no harm in it,” says Shrima Srivastava, a Lucknow-based psychologist with the Indian Railways.

She is quick to add, “If there is anything that needs attention, concerning mental health, or relationship issues, then only expert advice should be sought. I don’t think it is prudent to rely on advice in a group composed of anonymous people.”

Noida-based psychologist and former professor at the University of Delhi, Dr Mala Sinha has concerns about the correct user-community fit. She says, “If you end up in a community different from your social ecosystem, the suggestions you get may uproot you and create more dissonance.”

But she was happy that women have a safe space to speak. “Like Alcoholics Anonymous, one gains the strength to face their challenges because they are surrounded by people dealing with similar issues,” she said. One draws comfort from the knowledge that one’s not alone.

Meanwhile, I haven’t come across a subreddit for parents of DU kids… Let me see how to start one.