Actor Gillian Anderson’s book ‘Want’ serves up women’s secret fantasies, anonymous and unfiltered

By Palak Malik

“I have a secret that I have never told anyone – if you pass me on the street, sitting on the metro, shopping in the supermarket, it’s highly likely that I will be creating a detailed, smoking hot sex fantasy in my head. You might think I’m validating my travel pass, waiting for the green light at the pedestrian crossing or choosing fruits and vegetables, but in my head, I’m being taken from behind in the shower by a man whose name I don’t even know. Or perhaps I’m flirting with a stranger in a bar, candlelight reflecting in my eyes and all sorts of promise for the evening ahead” – an anonymous confession by a white British heterosexual woman who is in a relationship.

This fantasy is part of award-winning actor Gillian Anderson’s new book Want (Bloomsbury, INR 699), a compilation of hundreds of sexual fantasies of women across the world. In a world that is submerged in the narratives of male gaze, this unique book voices the desires of women and genderqueer people.

It starts with Anderson’s heartfelt note to the readers, and the voice really speaks to you like a friend – or perhaps like her popular character from the Netflix show Sex Education, where she dons the role of sex therapist Jean Millburn.

The 56-year-old American television and theatre actor is best known for playing FBI Special Agent Dana Scully in American science-fiction television series The X-Files – a role that won her international recognition in the 1990s. Younger generations would recognise her for playing the role of Margaret Thatcher in season four of the Netflix show The Crown.

In this book she holds space for an intimate conversation about hundreds of anonymous letters by women from all over the world expressing their sexual fantasies. It is an indulgence in the erotic imagination of women of today.

The letters came in from women belonging to diverse geographical, cultural and societal leanings, including India. The fantasies vary in form, intensity and intent and can be perceived differently, depending on one’s own background. It can be surprising and overwhelming at the same time. What makes it interesting is the fact that Anderson’s own fantasy is one of them. And, since all fantasies are anonymous, you can just keep guessing which one is hers.

You can expect a mix of having control and losing control and perhaps a symphony of it as you go through these varied scenarios. There are questions about shame, guilt and crossing the boundaries. While some women want it rough, others want to be worshipped and sometimes treated as an object that is off-limits.

Anderson, a mother of three, mentions how fantasies are an escape route for some and a source of arousal in others. She talks about how fantasies exist in between memories and imagination, and are a way for women to gain their agency and to lose it too. While some of the fantasies are in the borderline risky category, the exploration is happening in the women’s own imagination.

Anderson introduces a chapter titled ‘The Captive’ with the disclaimer, “Sexual assault is about power. And in a fantasy, we, the women, are uniquely in control of what is being done to us. We are the director in our heads; we make the choices about how our bodies are treated.”

The fantasies in this segment blur the line between consent and non-consent and thus, the reader’s discretion is advised. For instance, one fantasy by a single white Finnish bisexual/pansexual person talks about being held captive by a group of five “incredibly attractive biker men” who make her run, and then surround her and tear her clothes off one by one – a scene that could well trigger trauma in some readers – but the story has a kind of polyamorous, even consensual ending.

The most interesting section is a chapter titled ‘Off Limits’ where the fantasies go beyond usual moral and societal codes. Notions of guilt, disgust and shame are relegated to the background while primal desire takes centre-stage. But what is surprising is that, in a lot of these fantasies, women confess and acknowledge their shame and guilt – irrespective of whether they belong to conservative or liberated backgrounds.

Our desires are often complex as they lie between the real and imaginary. One might wonder if the sexual desires of Indian women are any different from the women in Anderson’s book and the world over? What are their deepest and most uninhibited fantasies?

Palak Malik is a digital and communication specialist, recognised as a LinkedIn Top Video Production Voice for her expertise in video production.